Jeff Foxworthy on New England
If you consider it a sport to gather your food
by drilling through 36 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping that the
food will swim by, you might live in New England.
If you're proud that your region makes the
national news 96 nights each year because Mt. Washington is the coldest spot in
the nation, and Boston gets more snow than any other major city in the US, you
might live in New England.
If your local Dairy Queen is closed from
September through May, you might live in New England .
If you instinctively walk like a
penguin for six months out of the year, you might live in New England.
If someone in a Home Depot store
offers you assistance, and they don't work there, you might live in New England.
If your dad's suntan stops at a
line curving around the middle of his forehead, you might live in New England.
If you have worn shorts and a
parka at the same time, you might live in New England.
If your town has more bars than
churches, you might live in New England.
If you have had a lengthy
telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you might live in
New England.
YOU KNOW YOU ARE A TRUE NEW
ENGLANDER WHEN:
1. "Vacation" means going South
past New York City for the weekend.
2. You measure distance in hours.
3. You know several people who
have hit a deer more than once.
4. You often switch from "heat"
to "A/C" in the same day and back again.
5. You can drive 65 mph through 2
feet of snow during a raging blizzard, without flinching.
6. You see people wearing
camouflage at social events (including weddings).
7. You install security lights on
your house and garage and leave both unlocked.
8. You carry jumper cables in
your car and your girlfriend / wife knows how to use them.
9. You design your kid's
Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
10. Driving is better in the
winter because the potholes are filled with snow.
11. You know all 4 seasons:
almost winter, winter, still winter, and road construction.
12. You can identify a southern
or eastern accent.
13. Your idea of creative
landscaping is a statue of a deer next to your blue spruce.
14. You were unaware that there
is a legal drinking age.
15. Down South to you means
Philadelphia.
16. A brat is something you eat.
17. Your neighbor throws a party
to celebrate his new shed.
18. You go out for a fish fry
every Friday.
19. Your 4th of July picnic was
moved indoors due to frost.
20. You have more miles on your
snow blower than your car.
21. You find 10 degrees "a little
chilly."
22. You actually understand these
jokes, and want to send them to all your New England friends. Sad....but true!!!